well, it's been a long time i left this blog. no new entry, without saying hello. but now i'm back. after a long way to go, so much things i've been through. sad, happy, surprised, gloomy, empty. yes, e m p t y. i hate this feeling when i really dont have any emotion. i'm not happy nor sad. i'm nothing. when my mind is spinning but i cant feel anything. i can't exactly understand my feelings. i can't do anything right. i always seem wasting my precious time and i really want to change all of me. i guess, being alone is the matter. sometimes, i find myself crying in my room, wishing to go home. but sometimes, i find myself happy to be here. right where i am right now. when it doesn't exactly feel like home. im wishing that i could achieve anything that i want. people that i will never be able to love, i wish i could love them. HE, the one that im wishing for all my nights, comes to me and told me that everything gonna be alright and he will always right there beside me, face the life together and promise to be happy forever. simple thought, dreams, hope that impossible for me really DO broke me down. distract myself.  when there is no one to lent their shoulder and all i did was crying on my own. it sounds like my own mind controls me way too much and it makes me sad. and frustrated.